My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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