took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Holy shit dude........stairs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
