you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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