my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
