please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
