I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When did angry sex become our thing?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
