I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
