If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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