Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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