I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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