Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
