I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
