I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
