Tell her she can't have a vagina
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
