I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
