I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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