when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
40s are totally the cure
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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