at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
