It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
A+ Viking dick
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