I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
