So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
