i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
