I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
