Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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