my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
this hospital has no fireball
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
