She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
