Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
