Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
