no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
