just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
