I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
