i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
40s are totally the cure
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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