Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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