You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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