So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
