I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
