They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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