I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
