talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
