Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
