Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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