Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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