Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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