he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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