Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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