Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
