so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
