I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
