it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
