i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
