Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
