i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
