i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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