You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
