Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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